If you are a returning reader of this blog (yeah right Valerie, like people come BACK) then you may remember that waaayyyyy back in March I wrote a little something about the big-chinned entity who naturally evolved as bad guy from the whole Tonight Show fiasco, and how some folk are able to maturely and rationally regard said villain. I also revealed that I am not one of those people. I lack the chromosome which allows the turning of the other cheek. I envied then, as I do now, the ability to go merrily forward without an ill thought for this individual. However, I am happy to report that in the three+ months since I first wrote those words, I have grown in many ways. While I still do carry an immense and intense burning hatred deep in the bowels of my....well, bowels....I have learned to move forward. I can go for days without ranting and raging. I can pass white-haired gentlemen without tripping them to the ground and beating them about the face and chin with their own cane. I can use the proper names for bathroom duties without substituting the scoundrel in question's name...(i.e. "I just took the biggest Leno you've ever seen, it took THREE flushes!") So I do believe that under normal circumstances, I am actually doing very well. Normal circumstances being those in which "That Guy's" name or visage do not pop up. Especially unexpectedly. And believe me....they do.
Take for instance this past Saturday. My dear Hubby and I loaded the kids into the minivan, and we took a nice country drive to visit Hub's dear Granny on the occasion of her 85th birthday. The party was held at my husband's aunt's farmhouse, which boasts rolling green hills and large, lumbering Walnut trees. The weather was perfect, the kids played happily with their cousins all day without incident, the food was divine, the family drama was nil...(Even though Granny DID try to sucker me into a conversation about how good other people look after losing a lot of weight. I simply stuffed my cupcake in my mouth and nodded....) It was, by most definitions, a perfect day. As the afternoon wound into evening, we started loading the kids into our respective vehicles and circled around for one last BS session before hitting the road. Someone brought up a TV show, then another was mentioned, and finally Hub's uncle asked if any of us were BBC America's "Top Gear" fans. We all assented that indeed we were. We started offering up our favorite episodes, etc. That was when Hub's uncle innocently announced "You know, Jay Leno says that it is his favorite show."
Here is how I saw things. My own universe stopped in that second. Everyone else around me continued to talk and laugh, in kind of a warped slow-motion-y way. The conversation continued on, away from that one horrible off-hand mention, but it had been enough to make my brain miss a gear change, and I was grinding in neutral. It was then, as I struggled, that I took note of my husband. He had frozen. He was looking at me with an expression that was a mixture of terror and dread. He did not know what I was going to do or say. I imagined he was envisioning a Hulk-like metamorphosis wherein I would start throwing cars. Suddenly, my brain popped back up to speed and I was once again smiling and laughing, moving myself far, far away from that horrendous yet unknowing mention. I was proud of myself. And I could actually hear my husband's sphincter muscles relax. (Not a pretty sound, BTW)
So I guess I can say that yes, I am doing fine living in a world where that person's name or even image may appear at random. He may be lurking in an innocuous stack of Trivial Pursuit cards, or in a magazine article, or even in a nice family conversation following a sweet birthday party in the countryside. I am becoming stronger, better prepared. Mature, even.....
But I swear to God, if anyone even happens to pause on THAT show while flipping channels, I will rip their spinal cord out through their nose and use it as a jump rope.
Just sayin'.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
A dozen dozen days.....
According to the ever vigilant Coco countdown calendar thingy found here on this wall (as well as the Teamcoco.com site) we have ticked ourselves down to 144 days until the big TBS show. Upon reading this number, my mind immediately flashed back to grade school multiplication tables - 144 is the square of 12. Twelve sets of twelve, a dozen dozen. Or, to be even more exact, a gross. But to state that our wait is gross would not sound as upbeat as I would like. I do not wish nauseate, but to inspire. We have some time to kill, people.....it's time to start brainstorming.
Lucky for us, a big chunk of the wait takes place over the summer months. There is always lots to do during long, hot summer days. Hiking, swimming, biking......my family is planning a couple of fun road trips and lots of trips to the library, the beach, the playground. We are also planning at least one yard sale to pay for some of that fun. The days will be easy to fill. But, oh - those summer ni-iiighhhts......(Sorry, I'm a bit "Grease" nerd) Usually, in the cool of a summer evening, with the kids fast asleep, my hubs and I would settle in with an icy beverage and.....watch Conan on TV. Which was always possible, because heck - he was always on late night TV. Except now he's not. Which sucks.
Our options for our summer evenings now consist of:
1) Other late night programming: This is a big "maybe." If Letterman has a good guest we might tune in, and possibly will hold on through Craig (or at least his monologue) Don't even think to ask about "other" late night shows, especially that one. You know the one. I'd rather shoot myself in my own foot, clean and cook said foot, and eat it with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
2) DVDs and/or movies. Another maybe. We do have all the episodes of MASH on DVD (awesome!) and we can always throw in some Python or a good classic 80s comedy for guaranteed laughs. I can almost bet that not one of these choices has a self-pleasuring panda or an S&M Lincoln.....*sigh*
3) Sex. Yeah, sure, there's always that. Not too many laughs, usually, so maybe during a somber time. This is the option where S&M Lincoln might actually make an appearance.....kinky, I know, but boredom breeds freakishness. That explains the existence of most of the cast of Jersey Shore.
4) Sleep. My favorite of the options. I do enjoy a good night's sleep. An added plus is when the sleep contains Conan related dreams. Then, it is actually kinda sorta like I got to watch him on TV....unless it is a weird dream where he is driving a giant robot Andy through the streets of Paris, knocking down the Eiffel Tower and beating tourists with bagettes. Which actually sounds like it could make a pretty entertaining remote.....(Note to self, Tweet idea to Bley)
There are other various ways to kill the time: Reading, eating, playing on the internet.... Somehow that chunk of time that precedes bedtime gets filled. I've even been known to do a late-night load or two of laundry....hold me back, Nadine!! The thing is, though, that no matter what we end up doing to fill the void, that damned red elephant is always in the room. We aren't watching Conan, but we would be if... If. That one little world holds a whole world of meaning. If only things were different, if the bad stuff hadn't gone down. But it did, and things are what they are. There is no Conan O'Brien on late night TV, and there won't be until November. To employ once again the great and learned words of inventor Sir James Dyson - "It sucks."
So this becomes the perfect time to once again thank the great Skinny Freckled gods that there exists an "I'm With Coco" fan site. Not only do we entertain each other, we are all on the same path to TBS in a dozen dozen days. There are now, as of yesterday (or the day before if you are a stickler for time zones) officially ONE MILLION of us. The Coco Army grows stronger. If only we had some place to hang our pith helmets. 144 days is a long time to march in circles.
Lucky for us, a big chunk of the wait takes place over the summer months. There is always lots to do during long, hot summer days. Hiking, swimming, biking......my family is planning a couple of fun road trips and lots of trips to the library, the beach, the playground. We are also planning at least one yard sale to pay for some of that fun. The days will be easy to fill. But, oh - those summer ni-iiighhhts......(Sorry, I'm a bit "Grease" nerd) Usually, in the cool of a summer evening, with the kids fast asleep, my hubs and I would settle in with an icy beverage and.....watch Conan on TV. Which was always possible, because heck - he was always on late night TV. Except now he's not. Which sucks.
Our options for our summer evenings now consist of:
1) Other late night programming: This is a big "maybe." If Letterman has a good guest we might tune in, and possibly will hold on through Craig (or at least his monologue) Don't even think to ask about "other" late night shows, especially that one. You know the one. I'd rather shoot myself in my own foot, clean and cook said foot, and eat it with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
2) DVDs and/or movies. Another maybe. We do have all the episodes of MASH on DVD (awesome!) and we can always throw in some Python or a good classic 80s comedy for guaranteed laughs. I can almost bet that not one of these choices has a self-pleasuring panda or an S&M Lincoln.....*sigh*
3) Sex. Yeah, sure, there's always that. Not too many laughs, usually, so maybe during a somber time. This is the option where S&M Lincoln might actually make an appearance.....kinky, I know, but boredom breeds freakishness. That explains the existence of most of the cast of Jersey Shore.
4) Sleep. My favorite of the options. I do enjoy a good night's sleep. An added plus is when the sleep contains Conan related dreams. Then, it is actually kinda sorta like I got to watch him on TV....unless it is a weird dream where he is driving a giant robot Andy through the streets of Paris, knocking down the Eiffel Tower and beating tourists with bagettes. Which actually sounds like it could make a pretty entertaining remote.....(Note to self, Tweet idea to Bley)
There are other various ways to kill the time: Reading, eating, playing on the internet.... Somehow that chunk of time that precedes bedtime gets filled. I've even been known to do a late-night load or two of laundry....hold me back, Nadine!! The thing is, though, that no matter what we end up doing to fill the void, that damned red elephant is always in the room. We aren't watching Conan, but we would be if... If. That one little world holds a whole world of meaning. If only things were different, if the bad stuff hadn't gone down. But it did, and things are what they are. There is no Conan O'Brien on late night TV, and there won't be until November. To employ once again the great and learned words of inventor Sir James Dyson - "It sucks."
So this becomes the perfect time to once again thank the great Skinny Freckled gods that there exists an "I'm With Coco" fan site. Not only do we entertain each other, we are all on the same path to TBS in a dozen dozen days. There are now, as of yesterday (or the day before if you are a stickler for time zones) officially ONE MILLION of us. The Coco Army grows stronger. If only we had some place to hang our pith helmets. 144 days is a long time to march in circles.
Monday, May 31, 2010
The wait isn't over....but baby, it's better!
It has been a while since I posted to this blog, almost a full month.....I've had people ask if I was done writing about "Waiting for Coco" since, in some ways, we are not waiting anymore. He has come back to us on many fronts: He's on tour, he's signed a deal to TBS, he can be interviewed on television and in newspapers and magazines. Yes, in a lot of ways we have our Conan O'Brien back. And yet I do still feel obliged to keep watch, and keep reporting on the process that will eventually bring Coco back to our late night screens. Until he is delivered safely where he belongs, unharmed and unhinged, I can't let that last relieved breath escape my orange-tinted lips ( Gloss or Cheetos? I'll never tell!) And so the wait goes on.....although I do have to say, much has changed...
For a long while, we the Conan fans were surviving in what could only be described as a desert - dry and barren, devoid of any signs of our beloved funny man. We'd sit in the quiet of the evenings, watching the tumbleweeds blow by as we recounted story after story, and shared clip after hilarious clip. Then, a little sustenance would trickle in: We'd get to read daily Conan Twitters, and we had our insider updates from our beloved Aaron Bleyaert. Sometimes news would come to us via our own Mike Mitchell, and sometimes we had to rely on the media to let us know that yes, Conan was still alive and kicking. We had a fight ahead of us, we desert dwellers. We had to inform NBC of what a huge mistake they had made, and we had to show other perspective networks what a catch our Mr. O'Brien would be. We had to dispel the mountains of misinformation that were floating around, shoot down the Leno fans who thought they knew ANYTHING.... If a poll was posted online we would descend like hyenas on a lame zebra to prove to the media outlets that Conan's fans were forever loyal. If NBC dared try to promote their Favorite Son in any way that was at all open to public opinion, they got it by the truckload. And it wasn't pretty. But it was always funny. Conan's fans are, if nothing else, always funny.
Through it all, we would regroup on a daily or even hourly basis at our "basecamp" - the I'm With Coco message board - to exchange info, share stories, and get updates on the latest news. I was on the board when Conan Tweeted for the first time, when the tickets for his (at that point unconfirmed) tour went on sale, when the TBS deal was announced. I shared in the excitement of other lucky "Legally Prohibited" ticket holders, and commiserated with those who were not so lucky. I debated the merits of TBS over Fox, dissected the meaning behind RIKSHAZ9LIRK, marveled over photos of dolphin-kissing and gas-pumping. I vented in anger over Leno's pathetic TV interviews, media comments, and "jokes" that were hurtful not just to Conan but to we, the fans. I tried really, really hard to not be cynical, although at times it was extremely difficult, and to be kind, which I found some days to be impossible. And through it all there was an army of others just like me, parked firmly on that desert floor, drinking up whatever drops we were given and always looking forward toward whatever the next day might bring.
Then, even as we were firmly entrenched in our Conan drought, we noticed a change on the air. Of course, a huge shift occurred when the tour started. Suddenly we had first-hand accounts, photos, and even videos of this man we had been deprived of for so long. When I first heard his voice, live and in person at McCaw Hall in Seattle, I nearly wept....not only from joy, but from relief. It was so good to hear him saying new words, making fresh jokes. He was no longer stuck in the exile of videos from comedy moments past. He was, in front of my very eyes, creating new and hilarious moments. It was almost too much to absorb. I still struggle with convincing myself that my memories weren't some crazy and fantastic dream....
And then - the floodgates broke!! Just a few shows into his tour, the gag order imposed by NBC expired, and suddenly Conan was not only appearing in our cities but right on our computer screens and even our TVs! The first TwitPic he sent out that showed his face brought an avalanche of comments and speculation on IWC.....Soon word hit the board that Conan would actually be interviewed on the prestigious news magazine "60 Minutes." At almost the same time, we saw his image splashed across the pages of Time Magazine. We, the shell-shocked Conan fans, went from near dehydration to near drowning overnight. It was a lot to process.
Immediately, the backlash smacked us out of our stupor. From many different directions, some expected and some surprising, came criticisms of all sorts - negativity spawned from the "60 Minutes" piece, bad reviews of the tour, sarcastic dismissals of the TBS deal. Although the bad press was actually pretty scarce, the reports would be repeated on the board many times an hour, with us rehashing them over and over. It was hard not to take the harshness personally. After believing in this person for so long, the offhand and often misinformed slams would sting like arrows to the heart. It was hard not to feel frustrated and at times even deflated. How could they be kicking this man again?? How could they not see how amazing his journey was? Again, it was hard to keep the cynicism at bay......
But, Conan showed himself to be a man of his word. He didn't let the bastards get him down one tiny iota. He worked hard. He stayed kind. And amazing things DID happen. One by one, reviews came out that were positive.....heck, even glowing. The TBS deal, a surprise at first, showed itself to be a wonderful fit, and Steve Koonin, TBS President, became a friend and a recipient of thousands of gushing "thank you" cards. Experts on everything related to television politics came out to say that the claims Conan made were true, and the arguments made by NBC were flimsy and unfounded. There was a feeling of vindication in the air.
In what I believe to be one of the best things to result from the past few months, we the fans have been granted access to the world o' Conan that we would have never previously expected. Aaron Bleyaert (our beloved Bley) has kept us updated with behind the scenes stories and photos, and has allowed us to post comments back to those on the road, making it feel like we are all personally involved in this tour ( and not in a "crazed stalker" way.) We are actually encouraged to share in the fun. Also, many on tour, including the writers and band members, have started Twitter accounts, keeping us entertained with their daily adventures, misadventures, photos, and inner thoughts. These folks, who a couple of months ago we knew only by name and maybe from skits on TV, have become "friends" to a great number of us. It is such an amazing synergy.... We fans sending the love to the guys and gals on tour, and them sending it right on back to us. As a fully grown and unmedicated adult (with kids and everything) I unabashedly admit that I do love this whole crazy bunch of folks. Now not only do I consider myself a Conan fan, but more a fan of "Conan & Co." They are all wonderful, funny, kind, and off their collective nut. What's not to love, am I right?
And so yes, the wait for Coco continues, but now it has an entirely different feel. Instead of being isolated and concerned, we are united and determined. No more shall we wonder what will happen to our hero, or when, or how. Now, we can simply marvel in the awesome things that he has achieved for himself.....and maybe, just a little bit, we can feel pride in the fact that we never gave up on him, we never forgot. I hope he knows that. I truly do.
For a long while, we the Conan fans were surviving in what could only be described as a desert - dry and barren, devoid of any signs of our beloved funny man. We'd sit in the quiet of the evenings, watching the tumbleweeds blow by as we recounted story after story, and shared clip after hilarious clip. Then, a little sustenance would trickle in: We'd get to read daily Conan Twitters, and we had our insider updates from our beloved Aaron Bleyaert. Sometimes news would come to us via our own Mike Mitchell, and sometimes we had to rely on the media to let us know that yes, Conan was still alive and kicking. We had a fight ahead of us, we desert dwellers. We had to inform NBC of what a huge mistake they had made, and we had to show other perspective networks what a catch our Mr. O'Brien would be. We had to dispel the mountains of misinformation that were floating around, shoot down the Leno fans who thought they knew ANYTHING.... If a poll was posted online we would descend like hyenas on a lame zebra to prove to the media outlets that Conan's fans were forever loyal. If NBC dared try to promote their Favorite Son in any way that was at all open to public opinion, they got it by the truckload. And it wasn't pretty. But it was always funny. Conan's fans are, if nothing else, always funny.
Through it all, we would regroup on a daily or even hourly basis at our "basecamp" - the I'm With Coco message board - to exchange info, share stories, and get updates on the latest news. I was on the board when Conan Tweeted for the first time, when the tickets for his (at that point unconfirmed) tour went on sale, when the TBS deal was announced. I shared in the excitement of other lucky "Legally Prohibited" ticket holders, and commiserated with those who were not so lucky. I debated the merits of TBS over Fox, dissected the meaning behind RIKSHAZ9LIRK, marveled over photos of dolphin-kissing and gas-pumping. I vented in anger over Leno's pathetic TV interviews, media comments, and "jokes" that were hurtful not just to Conan but to we, the fans. I tried really, really hard to not be cynical, although at times it was extremely difficult, and to be kind, which I found some days to be impossible. And through it all there was an army of others just like me, parked firmly on that desert floor, drinking up whatever drops we were given and always looking forward toward whatever the next day might bring.
Then, even as we were firmly entrenched in our Conan drought, we noticed a change on the air. Of course, a huge shift occurred when the tour started. Suddenly we had first-hand accounts, photos, and even videos of this man we had been deprived of for so long. When I first heard his voice, live and in person at McCaw Hall in Seattle, I nearly wept....not only from joy, but from relief. It was so good to hear him saying new words, making fresh jokes. He was no longer stuck in the exile of videos from comedy moments past. He was, in front of my very eyes, creating new and hilarious moments. It was almost too much to absorb. I still struggle with convincing myself that my memories weren't some crazy and fantastic dream....
And then - the floodgates broke!! Just a few shows into his tour, the gag order imposed by NBC expired, and suddenly Conan was not only appearing in our cities but right on our computer screens and even our TVs! The first TwitPic he sent out that showed his face brought an avalanche of comments and speculation on IWC.....Soon word hit the board that Conan would actually be interviewed on the prestigious news magazine "60 Minutes." At almost the same time, we saw his image splashed across the pages of Time Magazine. We, the shell-shocked Conan fans, went from near dehydration to near drowning overnight. It was a lot to process.
Immediately, the backlash smacked us out of our stupor. From many different directions, some expected and some surprising, came criticisms of all sorts - negativity spawned from the "60 Minutes" piece, bad reviews of the tour, sarcastic dismissals of the TBS deal. Although the bad press was actually pretty scarce, the reports would be repeated on the board many times an hour, with us rehashing them over and over. It was hard not to take the harshness personally. After believing in this person for so long, the offhand and often misinformed slams would sting like arrows to the heart. It was hard not to feel frustrated and at times even deflated. How could they be kicking this man again?? How could they not see how amazing his journey was? Again, it was hard to keep the cynicism at bay......
But, Conan showed himself to be a man of his word. He didn't let the bastards get him down one tiny iota. He worked hard. He stayed kind. And amazing things DID happen. One by one, reviews came out that were positive.....heck, even glowing. The TBS deal, a surprise at first, showed itself to be a wonderful fit, and Steve Koonin, TBS President, became a friend and a recipient of thousands of gushing "thank you" cards. Experts on everything related to television politics came out to say that the claims Conan made were true, and the arguments made by NBC were flimsy and unfounded. There was a feeling of vindication in the air.
In what I believe to be one of the best things to result from the past few months, we the fans have been granted access to the world o' Conan that we would have never previously expected. Aaron Bleyaert (our beloved Bley) has kept us updated with behind the scenes stories and photos, and has allowed us to post comments back to those on the road, making it feel like we are all personally involved in this tour ( and not in a "crazed stalker" way.) We are actually encouraged to share in the fun. Also, many on tour, including the writers and band members, have started Twitter accounts, keeping us entertained with their daily adventures, misadventures, photos, and inner thoughts. These folks, who a couple of months ago we knew only by name and maybe from skits on TV, have become "friends" to a great number of us. It is such an amazing synergy.... We fans sending the love to the guys and gals on tour, and them sending it right on back to us. As a fully grown and unmedicated adult (with kids and everything) I unabashedly admit that I do love this whole crazy bunch of folks. Now not only do I consider myself a Conan fan, but more a fan of "Conan & Co." They are all wonderful, funny, kind, and off their collective nut. What's not to love, am I right?
And so yes, the wait for Coco continues, but now it has an entirely different feel. Instead of being isolated and concerned, we are united and determined. No more shall we wonder what will happen to our hero, or when, or how. Now, we can simply marvel in the awesome things that he has achieved for himself.....and maybe, just a little bit, we can feel pride in the fact that we never gave up on him, we never forgot. I hope he knows that. I truly do.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
"60 Minutes" is not nearly enough "Time".....
Two amazing and glorious things have come to pass in the Coco Nation this week. First, word that Conan, media gag finally lifted, will be allowed to share some of his (albeit watered-down) feelings on the CBS news magazine "60 Minutes" tomorrow evening. The same day that this news dawned, we were also greeted with previews of the Time "100 most Intriguing" edition, in which our beloved Mr. O'Brien is not only featured, but is showcased on the fold-out cover. Good news for those of us who spent many a late night voting in the Time poll over and over and over..... Hey, I have a life! I just choose not to strain myself with too much activity....(I have an extremely fragile constitution...*cough*)
In the matter of the Time article, I take pause to wonder: If this whole NBC fiasco had not taken place, would Conan have merited a place on the roster of candidates? Or would he have have continued to fly under the main-stream radar as he has for most of his career? I find it slightly ironic (or maybe more poetic) that it took being treated horribly in the cruel glare of the public eye for many to come to realize what a small band of us have known for years: Conan is awesome. He's one of the few celebrities actually worthy of being celebrated. And - he's simply funnier and smarter than anyone out there. In this regard, we owe NBC many thanks - "Freebird" indeed.
As for tomorrow night's "60 Minutes" report - there have already been lots of excerpts and even snippets of video released showing what will be discussed, so we have an idea of content. In basic terms, Conan will intelligently and eloquently try and set the record straight without staying too far into that legal gray area which NBC has enveloped around him like a straight jacket.... What we won't see is bellyaching, finger-pointing, accusations that he was "sucker punched" or "screwed." The feeling is that Conan has moved on, moved forward, made the absolute best of a really crappy situation.... He is smart enough to assess the circumstances for what is were and are, and has grown accordingly. In essence, he recognized where he wasn't wanted and so he left with his dignity intact. (Where was he when I was 24 and writing all those "why don't you love me?" letters to the guy who probably now still refers to me as "that psycho girl?") Does that mean he has no hard feelings? Of course not. A person can't be shat upon in such an unfair and public way and not have residual feelings of anger. But, like any mature adult who is now headlining the most kick-ass North American comedy and music tour EVER and has already signed on to host another BETTER show in the fall, he has moved on. Do you hear that Guy Who Didn't Love Me When I Was 24?? People CAN move on. And to you and NBC I have this one mature parting comment - Your loss. (Okay, one more mature parting comment - you Slimy Suck Weasel!)
In the matter of the Time article, I take pause to wonder: If this whole NBC fiasco had not taken place, would Conan have merited a place on the roster of candidates? Or would he have have continued to fly under the main-stream radar as he has for most of his career? I find it slightly ironic (or maybe more poetic) that it took being treated horribly in the cruel glare of the public eye for many to come to realize what a small band of us have known for years: Conan is awesome. He's one of the few celebrities actually worthy of being celebrated. And - he's simply funnier and smarter than anyone out there. In this regard, we owe NBC many thanks - "Freebird" indeed.
As for tomorrow night's "60 Minutes" report - there have already been lots of excerpts and even snippets of video released showing what will be discussed, so we have an idea of content. In basic terms, Conan will intelligently and eloquently try and set the record straight without staying too far into that legal gray area which NBC has enveloped around him like a straight jacket.... What we won't see is bellyaching, finger-pointing, accusations that he was "sucker punched" or "screwed." The feeling is that Conan has moved on, moved forward, made the absolute best of a really crappy situation.... He is smart enough to assess the circumstances for what is were and are, and has grown accordingly. In essence, he recognized where he wasn't wanted and so he left with his dignity intact. (Where was he when I was 24 and writing all those "why don't you love me?" letters to the guy who probably now still refers to me as "that psycho girl?") Does that mean he has no hard feelings? Of course not. A person can't be shat upon in such an unfair and public way and not have residual feelings of anger. But, like any mature adult who is now headlining the most kick-ass North American comedy and music tour EVER and has already signed on to host another BETTER show in the fall, he has moved on. Do you hear that Guy Who Didn't Love Me When I Was 24?? People CAN move on. And to you and NBC I have this one mature parting comment - Your loss. (Okay, one more mature parting comment - you Slimy Suck Weasel!)
Friday, April 23, 2010
The blog post from "The Other Side"......
It's been five days since I experienced the Conan O'Brien "Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television" show in Seattle, WA. For five days it has been percolating in my mind, bubbling and rolling and sloshing around in all the vacant space up there...... For five days I have been trying to decide on the right words to express just what I saw and felt and tasted.....And now, as I finally sit to put words to screen - I am still coming up short. Instead of stretching my already overtaxed brain to the limits, I am just going to drag you, the Gentle Reader, along with me as I recount the day that was April 18th, 2010.
As my sexy husband (we'll call him "Ryan") and I were pulling into the metropolis that is downtown Seattle, a Nirvana song suddenly came blaring over our radio, and we knew we were in for a particularly kick-ass night! That feeling left as quickly as it at materialized as I tried to negotiate the printed Map Quest map my husband had thrust toward me as we rocketed off the freeway and into the maze of Seattle side streets. It didn't take long for us to notice that none of the streets meet a 90-degree angle, they just kind of randomly jet off in whatever direction they damn well feel like. We had to do a little doubling-back, but eventually we found our hotel. I was feeling pretty dang accomplished at this point.
We parked in front of said hotel, and Ryan ran in to see if they would let us check in early. I decided to orient myself, and using the crappy Map Quest map and reading the names of our side streets, I spent 10 minutes flipping the paper in every direction and trying to find where we might be in Seattle. Finally, my Tourist Sense started to tingle and I glanced over my right shoulder. There towered the mighty Seattle Space Needle in all its sparkly white glory. When Ryan emerged, I didn't tell him how unobservant I had been.....I figured he'd have plenty more opportunities to laugh at me throughout the day (and I was right!)
He and I walked to Seattle Center to check out some of the local atmosphere. Immediately we were struck by how beautiful and artsy this area of Seattle was. My fat and unfit ass also noticed that it is built on a lot of hills. I told my ass to shut up and on we walked. As we had arrived at lunch time, Ryan and I were hungry, so we decided to try and find the McMenamin's Pub that we knew to be just a block or two from McCaw Hall, where we'd be seeing La Coco later that evening. In order to get there, we had to walk all the way around the hall. And that is when we spotted the tour buses. I immediately recognized them as belonging to the road crew for "Prohibited".....and I had the most overwhelming urge to pound on the doors to see if Bley was taking a crap on either of them. Alas, my more sensible husband reminded me how restraining orders can put a cramp in concert experiences....So on we trudged....
After lunch and a couple of fine beers, we found our way back to the Space Needle. Not having the time or finances to actually go up in the thing, we did explore the wonder that is the "Gift Shop." Our children needed local crap, and they were jam-packed with it. A few key chains, magnets, and water bottles later, it was getting close to the Monorail Meet-Up. I can't tell you how cool it is that Seattle has a monorail, when it just so happens that Conan's most famous (and brilliant) Simpson's episode was the one featuring a monorail. It was so perfect, it was almost surreal.....And even better, we got to meet up with some fellow CocoNuts to experience it! First we met Phan, then Sara, then Sam arrived, then Regina....We all piled on and took the amazing ten-minute adventure that showed us some of the amazing Seattle architecture. Then - it was time for Jabu's!
Jabu's is a just two blocks from McCaw Hall. CocoNut Nancy had worked hard to arrange a meet-up for us that was also a fund raiser for Stiller Strong. It is a very cool dark-wood-and-neon old school kind of bar. We were immediately greeted by the awesome Nancy....as well as a room full of lesbian softball players. At first, we weren't exactly sure how our crazy Coco-nuttiness would blend with their sportiness..... but it soon became apparent that these were the coolest lesbian softball players EVER! They not only gave up money for our cause, they also entertained us with some amazing karaoke and, when the time came, they donned party hats and helped us sing "Happy Birthday" to Conan.
Speaking of karaoke, we did manage to warble some. I myself jumped into a duet of "Surrender" with Sam.... I cannot sing worth beans but I love the song! Later, we got the whole group to join in on "Freebird." I had just enough alcohol in me and enough lesbians cheering for us that it truly felt like an epic moment. The latest tally we have, BTW, is just over $200 that we raised for Haiti... Nancy is a superstar!!
Before we knew it, it was time to walk to the show. We decided to leave our party hats on, to show Conan some birthday love. McCaw hall is a large, beautiful structure dripping with culture and artsy-fartsiness. Primarily used to showcase opera, it had lots of windows and sculptures and real wine glasses instead of plastic cups. This was true of every level....I know, because we had to climb to the veeerrrryyyy tippy top to find our seats. We were up pretty high. I passed a sherpa on the way to the ladies' room. But - the hall is built in such a way that there are no obstructed views or bad seats. We could see a lot of the floor below us, and it was fun to try and find party hats among the crowd.
Now, as for the show itself - out of respect for my fellow CocoNuts who have not yet seen it, you will get no spoilers from me. Suffice to say I laughed until I thought I would pass out, I screamed, I cried, I peed (in the bathroom, yeesh!) and it was all over way too soon. Seeing Conan after all the time of not seeing or hearing him was almost surreal. There were times I wondered if it was all a dream....but I knew my mind was not capable of dreaming up such hilarity....not in a million years. Not with a million monkeys typing.
When it was all over, of course I got the T-shirt (otherwise I could not say "Been there, done that, got the T-shirt) and a key chain besides. Conan now follows me wherever I drive! Ryan and I went out for another drink afterward, and some food. At midnight we walked back to our hotel and reveled in the memories that we had just made - and the new friends as well. The next morning we went to breakfast on Pike Street with some old friends and then made our way back home to Oregon. It still kind of seems odd that it is over, that the show we'd been talking about since before it was even really a "thing" was in the old memory banks. Would I do it again? You bet, in a heartbeat. Would I change anything? Well, I might try to find a way to pause time for just a second, while Conan was on stage doing his thing, to really try and grasp the enormity of it. Maybe then I could find the right words to make you all understand just what this experience meant to me... And that's all you need, right? Me, finding more words....
As my sexy husband (we'll call him "Ryan") and I were pulling into the metropolis that is downtown Seattle, a Nirvana song suddenly came blaring over our radio, and we knew we were in for a particularly kick-ass night! That feeling left as quickly as it at materialized as I tried to negotiate the printed Map Quest map my husband had thrust toward me as we rocketed off the freeway and into the maze of Seattle side streets. It didn't take long for us to notice that none of the streets meet a 90-degree angle, they just kind of randomly jet off in whatever direction they damn well feel like. We had to do a little doubling-back, but eventually we found our hotel. I was feeling pretty dang accomplished at this point.
We parked in front of said hotel, and Ryan ran in to see if they would let us check in early. I decided to orient myself, and using the crappy Map Quest map and reading the names of our side streets, I spent 10 minutes flipping the paper in every direction and trying to find where we might be in Seattle. Finally, my Tourist Sense started to tingle and I glanced over my right shoulder. There towered the mighty Seattle Space Needle in all its sparkly white glory. When Ryan emerged, I didn't tell him how unobservant I had been.....I figured he'd have plenty more opportunities to laugh at me throughout the day (and I was right!)
He and I walked to Seattle Center to check out some of the local atmosphere. Immediately we were struck by how beautiful and artsy this area of Seattle was. My fat and unfit ass also noticed that it is built on a lot of hills. I told my ass to shut up and on we walked. As we had arrived at lunch time, Ryan and I were hungry, so we decided to try and find the McMenamin's Pub that we knew to be just a block or two from McCaw Hall, where we'd be seeing La Coco later that evening. In order to get there, we had to walk all the way around the hall. And that is when we spotted the tour buses. I immediately recognized them as belonging to the road crew for "Prohibited".....and I had the most overwhelming urge to pound on the doors to see if Bley was taking a crap on either of them. Alas, my more sensible husband reminded me how restraining orders can put a cramp in concert experiences....So on we trudged....
After lunch and a couple of fine beers, we found our way back to the Space Needle. Not having the time or finances to actually go up in the thing, we did explore the wonder that is the "Gift Shop." Our children needed local crap, and they were jam-packed with it. A few key chains, magnets, and water bottles later, it was getting close to the Monorail Meet-Up. I can't tell you how cool it is that Seattle has a monorail, when it just so happens that Conan's most famous (and brilliant) Simpson's episode was the one featuring a monorail. It was so perfect, it was almost surreal.....And even better, we got to meet up with some fellow CocoNuts to experience it! First we met Phan, then Sara, then Sam arrived, then Regina....We all piled on and took the amazing ten-minute adventure that showed us some of the amazing Seattle architecture. Then - it was time for Jabu's!
Jabu's is a just two blocks from McCaw Hall. CocoNut Nancy had worked hard to arrange a meet-up for us that was also a fund raiser for Stiller Strong. It is a very cool dark-wood-and-neon old school kind of bar. We were immediately greeted by the awesome Nancy....as well as a room full of lesbian softball players. At first, we weren't exactly sure how our crazy Coco-nuttiness would blend with their sportiness..... but it soon became apparent that these were the coolest lesbian softball players EVER! They not only gave up money for our cause, they also entertained us with some amazing karaoke and, when the time came, they donned party hats and helped us sing "Happy Birthday" to Conan.
Speaking of karaoke, we did manage to warble some. I myself jumped into a duet of "Surrender" with Sam.... I cannot sing worth beans but I love the song! Later, we got the whole group to join in on "Freebird." I had just enough alcohol in me and enough lesbians cheering for us that it truly felt like an epic moment. The latest tally we have, BTW, is just over $200 that we raised for Haiti... Nancy is a superstar!!
Before we knew it, it was time to walk to the show. We decided to leave our party hats on, to show Conan some birthday love. McCaw hall is a large, beautiful structure dripping with culture and artsy-fartsiness. Primarily used to showcase opera, it had lots of windows and sculptures and real wine glasses instead of plastic cups. This was true of every level....I know, because we had to climb to the veeerrrryyyy tippy top to find our seats. We were up pretty high. I passed a sherpa on the way to the ladies' room. But - the hall is built in such a way that there are no obstructed views or bad seats. We could see a lot of the floor below us, and it was fun to try and find party hats among the crowd.
Now, as for the show itself - out of respect for my fellow CocoNuts who have not yet seen it, you will get no spoilers from me. Suffice to say I laughed until I thought I would pass out, I screamed, I cried, I peed (in the bathroom, yeesh!) and it was all over way too soon. Seeing Conan after all the time of not seeing or hearing him was almost surreal. There were times I wondered if it was all a dream....but I knew my mind was not capable of dreaming up such hilarity....not in a million years. Not with a million monkeys typing.
When it was all over, of course I got the T-shirt (otherwise I could not say "Been there, done that, got the T-shirt) and a key chain besides. Conan now follows me wherever I drive! Ryan and I went out for another drink afterward, and some food. At midnight we walked back to our hotel and reveled in the memories that we had just made - and the new friends as well. The next morning we went to breakfast on Pike Street with some old friends and then made our way back home to Oregon. It still kind of seems odd that it is over, that the show we'd been talking about since before it was even really a "thing" was in the old memory banks. Would I do it again? You bet, in a heartbeat. Would I change anything? Well, I might try to find a way to pause time for just a second, while Conan was on stage doing his thing, to really try and grasp the enormity of it. Maybe then I could find the right words to make you all understand just what this experience meant to me... And that's all you need, right? Me, finding more words....
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Tomorrow is that thing with that guy!!
I figured that this would be an excellent time to write a "Waiting for Coco" blog post....after all, at this time tomorrow, my husband and I will be in Seattle, getting ready to experience the awesomeness that is the "Conan O'Brien Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Televison" tour/extravaganza.... So my mind is probably just about bursting with all sorts of thoughts and feelings and excited musings, correct?
Nope. My mind is surprisingly quiet right now. Don't get me wrong, it is not from lack of excitement.....I believe it is from too much excitement. Human Behavior specialists would probably tell you that at this moment in time, I am "over-stimulated." Which sounds like a really great thing...."If stimulated is good, then over-stimulated must kick ass!!" But instead of walking around all joyous and obnoxiously cheerful (like I was yesterday - man, you wouldn't have wanted to be near me yesterday....) I am quiet, pensive, a little edgy. One might say irritable. Another one might say bitchy. I think I agree with the latter.
I've been like this before in my life....the day of my wedding, I think I made the photographer cry... He deserved it, making me smile so damn much. I've had three kids NATURALLY (do NOT get me started on this subject, you really don't want to know. Really. Trust me) and there is this part of labor they call "transition" wherein the laboring mother becomes quiet and loses her usually chipper sense of humor. My husband refers to those moments as "the times when the laughter died." That was sort of like now, although I am not currently in a hospital gown with my ass hanging out, so my mood is somewhat brighter...
I guess I am not just excited, but beyond excited. My brain has tossed around the idea of the show and the Conan and the people and the Seattle-ness of the day so much that it finally overloaded. Now in my mind's eye I see snippets of Woody Woodpecker cartoons and can hear distant echos of Muzak....(Hey, The Carpenters! I'm on the top of the world, looking down on creation...) and that's about it. When I try to imagine what tomorrow will bring, I get a fuzzy "Max Headroom" static and then more cartoons. When I try to picture the venue and the stage and the giddy anticipation, I get more Muzak (John Denver this time.) So I guess tomorrow can't get here soon enough. I am afraid that what is left of my brain will begin to like this little vacation, and decide to stay AWOL for awhile.... Not that being brainless is a bad thing. I hear there are NBC execs who have done it for years! (OOOOHHH, BURN!!) Yes, even nearly catatonic I can manage to crack an NBC joke. Guess I'm not as totally gone as I thought...
When next I blog, I will have had the Conan experience under my belt and locked tightly in my memory banks. Hopefully, I will be back to my zany old self again. But, if I do end up stuck in permanent bitch mode, someone remind me that I am supposed to work hard and be kind. Please? I would hate to become cynical so late in the game.....I would probably suck at it, which would make me even more cranky...
Nope. My mind is surprisingly quiet right now. Don't get me wrong, it is not from lack of excitement.....I believe it is from too much excitement. Human Behavior specialists would probably tell you that at this moment in time, I am "over-stimulated." Which sounds like a really great thing...."If stimulated is good, then over-stimulated must kick ass!!" But instead of walking around all joyous and obnoxiously cheerful (like I was yesterday - man, you wouldn't have wanted to be near me yesterday....) I am quiet, pensive, a little edgy. One might say irritable. Another one might say bitchy. I think I agree with the latter.
I've been like this before in my life....the day of my wedding, I think I made the photographer cry... He deserved it, making me smile so damn much. I've had three kids NATURALLY (do NOT get me started on this subject, you really don't want to know. Really. Trust me) and there is this part of labor they call "transition" wherein the laboring mother becomes quiet and loses her usually chipper sense of humor. My husband refers to those moments as "the times when the laughter died." That was sort of like now, although I am not currently in a hospital gown with my ass hanging out, so my mood is somewhat brighter...
I guess I am not just excited, but beyond excited. My brain has tossed around the idea of the show and the Conan and the people and the Seattle-ness of the day so much that it finally overloaded. Now in my mind's eye I see snippets of Woody Woodpecker cartoons and can hear distant echos of Muzak....(Hey, The Carpenters! I'm on the top of the world, looking down on creation...) and that's about it. When I try to imagine what tomorrow will bring, I get a fuzzy "Max Headroom" static and then more cartoons. When I try to picture the venue and the stage and the giddy anticipation, I get more Muzak (John Denver this time.) So I guess tomorrow can't get here soon enough. I am afraid that what is left of my brain will begin to like this little vacation, and decide to stay AWOL for awhile.... Not that being brainless is a bad thing. I hear there are NBC execs who have done it for years! (OOOOHHH, BURN!!) Yes, even nearly catatonic I can manage to crack an NBC joke. Guess I'm not as totally gone as I thought...
When next I blog, I will have had the Conan experience under my belt and locked tightly in my memory banks. Hopefully, I will be back to my zany old self again. But, if I do end up stuck in permanent bitch mode, someone remind me that I am supposed to work hard and be kind. Please? I would hate to become cynical so late in the game.....I would probably suck at it, which would make me even more cranky...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
TBS - the best of all the BS! ( Wait, what??)
What a crazy, hazy, upside-downy time to be a Conan O'Brien fan, eh? (I imagine it is even crazier to be a Conan O'Brien right about now, but only one person gets to do that and I don't want to make my target reading audience too narrow....) Not four months ago he was sitting as the Crown Prince of Late Night, and from that time to this he has been unfairly dethroned, unemployed, silenced, bearded, unsilenced via Twitter, in talks with Fox (in a box wearing socks), announcing a tour, going on said tour, and in what has to be the head-snappingest turn of all - signing on for a late night stint on TBS. There was an actual audible "gasp" that went up when this news hit the 'nets...followed by one unified "Wha.....???" But then the syncopation stopped, and everyone seemed to have their very own opinion on the matter. Many, like myself, shook off the surprise pretty quickly and rejoiced that our Big Red funnyman would be returning to our TVs before the year was out. In our estimation, 2010 was turning out to be not so bad after all..... For others, the news took a little longer to grow on them. Yet others....well, lets just say TBS was not their first choice, or even 101st choice. That 7-11 parking lot looked more promising to them. And to some degree, I understand the disappointment. At first glance, cable could seem like a step down. A steep one. With no handrails.
I was reminded of a joke as this whole thing was unfolding....I don't remember who told it or when, but I remember the gist of it. A guy is crawling through the desert, no food or water, sun beating down on his head.....He crawls along through the blistering sand, thinking every moment could be his last. He collapses in the sand, waiting for the vultures overhead to descend, when a shadow falls across him. Thinking he is hallucinating, he is surprised when strong hands lift him to the back of a camel. He is taken to a sparking oasis, and he is lead to a shaded area surrounded by all kinds of beautiful tropical plants. A gorgeous woman in harem garb approaches with a tall glass of water. Just as she is lifting it to his parched lips, he lifts his haggard eyes to meet hers and barely manages to croak..."What, no ice?"
Now, I am not suggesting that Conan was doing as badly as our friend in the desert. He is a very talented man, and he would always have prospects. The problem is, and was, that the timing of all of this stunk like last week's roadkill. No one was ready to welcome Mr. O'Brien into the bosom of their late-night schedule, because there was just no room. The networks couldn't drop everything and rearrange their contracted shows, and Fox couldn't persuade their affiliates that the time for change was upon them....not on such short notice. So here was a major-league hitter with no team to play for....so yeah, he may as well have been crawling around the desert, until TBS rode up on that camel! (Watch out, they spit!!)
Is it the perfect scenario? No, not at all. Is it what Conan deserves? Hells to the no, we all know he should still be sitting at the helm of the Tonight Show.....or even better, running his own Coco network -- all Conan, all the time! Talk about ice cubes in your water!! But.....it is what it is, and we all also know that whatever Conan O'Brien touches turns to pure awesome. If any one person could take TBS from the depths of adequacy to the height of the late night heap, it would be he. Or him. Whatever is grammatically correctest. Now, we all get the privilege of sitting back and watching television history unfold before us.....and that doesn't happen just every day. So thanks to TBS for recognizing greatness when it string-dances in front of you....we appreciate it, and we appreciate the chance to see our Coco spin on his mark again. Spin, funnyman, spin!! We'll be watching....
I was reminded of a joke as this whole thing was unfolding....I don't remember who told it or when, but I remember the gist of it. A guy is crawling through the desert, no food or water, sun beating down on his head.....He crawls along through the blistering sand, thinking every moment could be his last. He collapses in the sand, waiting for the vultures overhead to descend, when a shadow falls across him. Thinking he is hallucinating, he is surprised when strong hands lift him to the back of a camel. He is taken to a sparking oasis, and he is lead to a shaded area surrounded by all kinds of beautiful tropical plants. A gorgeous woman in harem garb approaches with a tall glass of water. Just as she is lifting it to his parched lips, he lifts his haggard eyes to meet hers and barely manages to croak..."What, no ice?"
Now, I am not suggesting that Conan was doing as badly as our friend in the desert. He is a very talented man, and he would always have prospects. The problem is, and was, that the timing of all of this stunk like last week's roadkill. No one was ready to welcome Mr. O'Brien into the bosom of their late-night schedule, because there was just no room. The networks couldn't drop everything and rearrange their contracted shows, and Fox couldn't persuade their affiliates that the time for change was upon them....not on such short notice. So here was a major-league hitter with no team to play for....so yeah, he may as well have been crawling around the desert, until TBS rode up on that camel! (Watch out, they spit!!)
Is it the perfect scenario? No, not at all. Is it what Conan deserves? Hells to the no, we all know he should still be sitting at the helm of the Tonight Show.....or even better, running his own Coco network -- all Conan, all the time! Talk about ice cubes in your water!! But.....it is what it is, and we all also know that whatever Conan O'Brien touches turns to pure awesome. If any one person could take TBS from the depths of adequacy to the height of the late night heap, it would be he. Or him. Whatever is grammatically correctest. Now, we all get the privilege of sitting back and watching television history unfold before us.....and that doesn't happen just every day. So thanks to TBS for recognizing greatness when it string-dances in front of you....we appreciate it, and we appreciate the chance to see our Coco spin on his mark again. Spin, funnyman, spin!! We'll be watching....
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