Here we are, so close to March 1st that we can almost reach out and taste it - unless you happen to be in an Eastern Time Zone as I write this, in which case it is already March 1st. (Sucks to be you guys).....The date seemed so far away back in January, looming like a dread execution date for we the prisoners of fickle fate, the fans of Conan O'Brien. And yet, the day has come. The day, or rather night, when all that was once good will be pushed aside in the name of evil and lame jokes. When righteousness will be struck dumb by, well....dumbness. A date that will resound in infamy as the "night the laughter died"....and not of natural causes, but trampled by idiots running to give the wrong answers to easy history questions to ensure they get on TV. All seems lost, and yet....
And yet....
Sure, there is the distant BOOM BOOM BOOM of jungle drums in the distance, and the air is still and electric; and there is a metallic taste in our collective mouth, something akin to that of rust, or blood.....But above all of that, beyond the oppressive doom and darkness, there is....hope. A light flickers on the horizon, perhaps a distant ship taking off for unknown waters, being captained by a tall man, full of promise and humor and a little too much Irish Whiskey. This man has set a course, plotted a map, and has begun undertaking an adventure that one day our grandchildren will talk about over their bowls of Sugar Smacks. This man, heroic and bold, thrusts his chin into the wind and pushes ahead, emboldened by his surly crew of writers whom are now below deck eating Cheetos and napping.
He knows, this Captain of all that is funny and right in the world, that there is still humor to be found out there, beyond the Edge of Reason and the Horizon of Mildly Comfortable: He breathes deeply and feels all of the possibilities wash through his body and he wants, no he NEEDS to push on, farther, faster.....to find the comedy that lies far beyond the shore he leaves behind. It won't be easy - nothing worth having ever is for those who Work Hard. Questioning the random capitalization of his thoughts, he steers into the moonlight, this man in whom so many have staked their hopes and dreams. The seas are on his side...the journey will be favorable. From below, a faint voice calls out that the Cheetos are gone. There is always pain and sacrifice when legend is at stake...
Back on shore, we who at once felt so hopeless and alone are now oddly comforted. The darkness has enveloped Late Night, but it no longer seems so frightening. What power can it yield if we give it none? And so we turn our backs on He Who Panders and look off toward that slowly shrinking light.....Where will he end up, our Captain O'Brien? When will he call to us to join him, so we can once again hear laughter echo off the mountainside? We send our hearts with him, bid him safe passage, and as that light disappears from sight, we pull out our cell phones to wait for his next Tweet. This is 2010 after all, and an analogy, no matter how well written, only goes so far. So stand strong, my many friends, and take heart....tomorrow is just another day we Wait for Coco....
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
You can't make this stuff up!
As proof that I am not just some sort of celebrity-obsessed recluse who sits at home all day talking to her cats and yelling at the neighbor children to "leave my Conan-shaped topiary ALONE" I submit these facts: I am married, have kids, a job, and no cats NOR a topiary in the shape of anyone who is or was once on TV. I do yell at children, but they are my own, and they don't listen to me anyway. And since I do have a life outside of the "I'm With Coco" board, I thought I would go out and play in it today! The Fam and I went on a road trip, starting at our home (situated on the corner of Nowhere Lane and BFE Drive) and ending up in the Big City. The purpose was shopping - we needed shoes, soap, and toothbrushes, among other things. It sounds exotic, I know, but we are simple, normal people, just like you. Maybe a touch better looking, but whatever....
Anyway, even though I have offered up more than enough proof that I am a well-balanced woman of the world, I did have a wave of separation anxiety when I realized I would be many miles away from my computer and therefore separated from all things Coco or Coco-related. Before you ask "Val, are you so out of touch that you have no internet access on your I-Berry-Phone-Pod thingy?" let me explain that I do have a cell phone. It does cell phone things, like it butt-dials people and goes dead when I leave it on in my purse for a week. And that's about it. So, no Facebook access, no Twits, no nothing.....Of course, I was more than happy and fulfilled to spend my day helping my kids try on Payless shoes and shopping for our eldest child's upcoming birthday (he will be twleve - I had him when I was nine...) But there was this little nagging in the back of my brain that whispered "Amazing things could be happening RIGHT now and you are missing them....." It was annoying, but luckily most of the other voices in my head are much louder and pretty much drowned it out.
However, I really shouldn't have worried myself psychotic, because I was soon to discover that you can take a girl away from Coco, but you can't take Coco away from the girl! Reminders of him were everywhere!! To start with, as we pulled in the Target parking lot, my five-year-old spotted the sign and piped up "Circle, circle, circle! Target is with Coco!" (I think she might be a genius, we just need to have her tested....) At Party City, everything was themed for St. Patrick's Day or Hawaiian Luaus, both Coco related of course. Later, as we sat down to lunch, my dear husband ordered a Guinness to go with his food - do I have to underscore the meaning in this? I thought not. Then, as we walked to our minivan - AKA the "Love Mo-sheen" - we saw that the sewer covers read "CO," which I immediately pointed out was half of Coco! At this time my husband mumbled something about needing another drink, which I found odd.....
As we were pulling into the Costco parking lot, our radio began playing the first strains of "Surrender," a truly epic moment in my day. I cranked it up, and my killjoy kids told me to turn it back down. Ugh, they will never understand my generation! And, AND - I didn't even know this had any significance at the time - one of the free samples we had in Costco was YOGURT! Do you see? Conan's Twitter Tweeter Twoday, er today, was about yogurt! In spirit, Coco was with us! All day, even at Walgreens (where nothing Conan related happened but I have to mention because I love Walgreens) I felt that crazy Ginger presence all around us!
But, you know, I'm cool about it. I don't try to read TOO much into this stuff. That would be a little too weird, don't you think? I do wonder, however, how hard it would be to have a Conan-shaped topiary? Not for me, for a friend..... A friend who just may be a little nuttier than she'd like to admit.
Anyway, even though I have offered up more than enough proof that I am a well-balanced woman of the world, I did have a wave of separation anxiety when I realized I would be many miles away from my computer and therefore separated from all things Coco or Coco-related. Before you ask "Val, are you so out of touch that you have no internet access on your I-Berry-Phone-Pod thingy?" let me explain that I do have a cell phone. It does cell phone things, like it butt-dials people and goes dead when I leave it on in my purse for a week. And that's about it. So, no Facebook access, no Twits, no nothing.....Of course, I was more than happy and fulfilled to spend my day helping my kids try on Payless shoes and shopping for our eldest child's upcoming birthday (he will be twleve - I had him when I was nine...) But there was this little nagging in the back of my brain that whispered "Amazing things could be happening RIGHT now and you are missing them....." It was annoying, but luckily most of the other voices in my head are much louder and pretty much drowned it out.
However, I really shouldn't have worried myself psychotic, because I was soon to discover that you can take a girl away from Coco, but you can't take Coco away from the girl! Reminders of him were everywhere!! To start with, as we pulled in the Target parking lot, my five-year-old spotted the sign and piped up "Circle, circle, circle! Target is with Coco!" (I think she might be a genius, we just need to have her tested....) At Party City, everything was themed for St. Patrick's Day or Hawaiian Luaus, both Coco related of course. Later, as we sat down to lunch, my dear husband ordered a Guinness to go with his food - do I have to underscore the meaning in this? I thought not. Then, as we walked to our minivan - AKA the "Love Mo-sheen" - we saw that the sewer covers read "CO," which I immediately pointed out was half of Coco! At this time my husband mumbled something about needing another drink, which I found odd.....
As we were pulling into the Costco parking lot, our radio began playing the first strains of "Surrender," a truly epic moment in my day. I cranked it up, and my killjoy kids told me to turn it back down. Ugh, they will never understand my generation! And, AND - I didn't even know this had any significance at the time - one of the free samples we had in Costco was YOGURT! Do you see? Conan's Twitter Tweeter Twoday, er today, was about yogurt! In spirit, Coco was with us! All day, even at Walgreens (where nothing Conan related happened but I have to mention because I love Walgreens) I felt that crazy Ginger presence all around us!
But, you know, I'm cool about it. I don't try to read TOO much into this stuff. That would be a little too weird, don't you think? I do wonder, however, how hard it would be to have a Conan-shaped topiary? Not for me, for a friend..... A friend who just may be a little nuttier than she'd like to admit.
Friday, February 26, 2010
TGIF...or, maybe not.....?
Fridays evenings used mean so much to me and mine - the freedom of the weekend, no restrictions imposed by time or space or responsibility. We could stay up, drink up, and have a wild ol' time watching Conan burn up the TV with his comedic hi-jinx. Of course, we watched during the week as well, but in a more restrained peeking-through-the-eyelids way that a 6am wake-up call will bring. On Fridays, it was anything goes!! Party like it's 1999 and all that kind of merry-making!
AND....even though the last strains of Max and the band brought the atmosphere down a bit, the same way the lights coming up at the club mean it's time to find your keys and get a good look at the person you were dirty dancing with (MY GOD!)....there was always the sweet knowledge that peeking just around the other side of the weekend was another grouping of Conan's shows, and all seemed right with the world.
But the ice cold water of reality, and lack of Conan, has slapped us in the face and/or groin in a way that makes Friday seem like just another weeknight. Those of us who frequent the "I'm With Coco" board have had to come up with ways to fill our late evening hours. Many have acquired well-protected Coco clips from past shows (hidden Anne Frank-style from the NBC stormtroopers now patrolling the 'net) and will cautiously share them to brighten our dark hours. Some have tried other late-night offerings, finding a laugh or two but usually only perking up when Conan is mentioned in a monologue (or that OTHER guy is slammed - oh, delicious retribution!)
Some have taken to sleeping, a novel idea for late night; some to reading or writing or rocking and rolling. Many of us just flock to the site itself and talk about how funny it would be if Conan were still on......Oh, the laughs we'd be having!!! In many ways, it makes the empty nights almost bearable.... Now that Conan is on Twitter many hang out there, as well. I do not. While I will pop on once a day or so to pretend like I know what I am doing, I don't linger for fear of being spotted by the "cool kids." I have even made up a term for myself - I am a Twittiot. But I try, for Conan I try.....
And as for Mondays.....well, this upcoming Monday will be a particularly bitter one for we the Coco-Nuts. Under ordinary circumstances, we'd be rejoicing that the Olympics are FINALLY over and the Tonight Show is returning. Only, in this dark parallel universe from which there is no escape (cue building sinister music) this event to come is now salt in a still fresh wound. Because while the show (or whatever skeleton remains) is returning, Conan is not. The King has been disposed and the Town Idiot has acquired the throne. "It is 11:35pm (10:35 central) and all is NOT well...."
So we wait. Fridays are still fun in many ways, I don't have to lay out my kids' clothes or check homework or rotate through bath times. I can stay up, drink up, and maybe read a good book or give my husband a "come hither" look....(That rhyme was intentional, but unnecessary now that I look at it. Hmmm....) Life is still full and wonderful, no TV show or lack thereof can alter THAT reality. But just like Barbara Streisand sang all those years ago, it is the laughter we will remember....and right now it just doesn't seem like we are building enough memories.
AND....even though the last strains of Max and the band brought the atmosphere down a bit, the same way the lights coming up at the club mean it's time to find your keys and get a good look at the person you were dirty dancing with (MY GOD!)....there was always the sweet knowledge that peeking just around the other side of the weekend was another grouping of Conan's shows, and all seemed right with the world.
But the ice cold water of reality, and lack of Conan, has slapped us in the face and/or groin in a way that makes Friday seem like just another weeknight. Those of us who frequent the "I'm With Coco" board have had to come up with ways to fill our late evening hours. Many have acquired well-protected Coco clips from past shows (hidden Anne Frank-style from the NBC stormtroopers now patrolling the 'net) and will cautiously share them to brighten our dark hours. Some have tried other late-night offerings, finding a laugh or two but usually only perking up when Conan is mentioned in a monologue (or that OTHER guy is slammed - oh, delicious retribution!)
Some have taken to sleeping, a novel idea for late night; some to reading or writing or rocking and rolling. Many of us just flock to the site itself and talk about how funny it would be if Conan were still on......Oh, the laughs we'd be having!!! In many ways, it makes the empty nights almost bearable.... Now that Conan is on Twitter many hang out there, as well. I do not. While I will pop on once a day or so to pretend like I know what I am doing, I don't linger for fear of being spotted by the "cool kids." I have even made up a term for myself - I am a Twittiot. But I try, for Conan I try.....
And as for Mondays.....well, this upcoming Monday will be a particularly bitter one for we the Coco-Nuts. Under ordinary circumstances, we'd be rejoicing that the Olympics are FINALLY over and the Tonight Show is returning. Only, in this dark parallel universe from which there is no escape (cue building sinister music) this event to come is now salt in a still fresh wound. Because while the show (or whatever skeleton remains) is returning, Conan is not. The King has been disposed and the Town Idiot has acquired the throne. "It is 11:35pm (10:35 central) and all is NOT well...."
So we wait. Fridays are still fun in many ways, I don't have to lay out my kids' clothes or check homework or rotate through bath times. I can stay up, drink up, and maybe read a good book or give my husband a "come hither" look....(That rhyme was intentional, but unnecessary now that I look at it. Hmmm....) Life is still full and wonderful, no TV show or lack thereof can alter THAT reality. But just like Barbara Streisand sang all those years ago, it is the laughter we will remember....and right now it just doesn't seem like we are building enough memories.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I missed the boat and got a real job
Since the whole Tonight Show debacle, I have been trying to educate myself on just how decisions in television are made - because I really hadn't seen a media decision this bad since Sarah Palin decided to speak in public. I've read many an online article and have checked out a book or two from the library (I am not cheap, I am frugal) and have come to the conclusion that "television executive" is just about the easiest job there is, besides online sex therapist (I've been researching that, too.) There is really no skill, education, experience, or discernible intelligence needed. All one needs is a workable "power" wardrobe, a good attendance record, and the ability to nod "yes" or head-shake "no" when indicated by the rest of the group. And that is the most important factor - the "group mentality." This is a characteristic usually exhibited by sheep or lemmings, but TV execs excel at it. The problem is, getting someone to push that first domino of opinion. This would take actual decisive action. Or a coin. Flipping a coin would work, too....
So to recap - you have a room full of well-dressed Sheep-Lemming people who opine en masse and then go home to play "World of Warcraft" or smoke doobies (Yeah, I know drug slang. I watched "21 Jump Street") until the next important meeting. And they get paid to do this. AND they decide what we get to watch (or don't get to watch) on TV. So really, they hold the key to our very souls....Or, if you are not addicted to TV like I am, they at least have the power to irritate you. But for me, a person who grew up memorizing the TV Guide listings while other (smarter, you can say it) kids memorized the Periodic Table, what is put on my screen is a very personal thing. You can't give me a gift like a Conan O'Brien and then snatch it away again like some ice cream cone you wanted to share and then didn't. You don't take ice cream from a fat girl and you don't take Conan from a comedy lover. It is mean, cruel, and often messy....
But I digress. The entire point of this whole meandering diatribe is that we Americans, as a people, tend to trust that the persons who end up in charge of important things are qualified to do so. And yet often, they are not. School bus drivers flunk drug screenings, politicians turn out to be idiots, and television execs, those who are in charge of the joy we pay steep satellite costs to see, are bungling buffoons. SOMETIMES. Every once in a while, they get it right. I call this the "monkey and the dartboard" effect....this therom is complicated and technical, so I won't bore you with the math. All I know is, if I had a ride to LA and about 50 fewer IQ points, I'd be all over the TV exec world....Or I'd do a game show. You know, whatever.....
So to recap - you have a room full of well-dressed Sheep-Lemming people who opine en masse and then go home to play "World of Warcraft" or smoke doobies (Yeah, I know drug slang. I watched "21 Jump Street") until the next important meeting. And they get paid to do this. AND they decide what we get to watch (or don't get to watch) on TV. So really, they hold the key to our very souls....Or, if you are not addicted to TV like I am, they at least have the power to irritate you. But for me, a person who grew up memorizing the TV Guide listings while other (smarter, you can say it) kids memorized the Periodic Table, what is put on my screen is a very personal thing. You can't give me a gift like a Conan O'Brien and then snatch it away again like some ice cream cone you wanted to share and then didn't. You don't take ice cream from a fat girl and you don't take Conan from a comedy lover. It is mean, cruel, and often messy....
But I digress. The entire point of this whole meandering diatribe is that we Americans, as a people, tend to trust that the persons who end up in charge of important things are qualified to do so. And yet often, they are not. School bus drivers flunk drug screenings, politicians turn out to be idiots, and television execs, those who are in charge of the joy we pay steep satellite costs to see, are bungling buffoons. SOMETIMES. Every once in a while, they get it right. I call this the "monkey and the dartboard" effect....this therom is complicated and technical, so I won't bore you with the math. All I know is, if I had a ride to LA and about 50 fewer IQ points, I'd be all over the TV exec world....Or I'd do a game show. You know, whatever.....
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Living the Tweet life....
The I'm With Coco Facebook board went absolutely nuts just a few short hours ago, and I happened to log on right in the middle of it. News was sweeping through the posts like a hot knife through Cocobutter....Conan had just Tweetered....er, Twitted.....you know, he posted something on Twitter! He had sent a short but hilarious message about the state of things at O'Brien central. Actual words had come down from our deposed hero! The excitement was electric, there was hypothetical dancing in the imaginary streets.... There was so much for us to say and do and process....What did this mean?? What significance did this have to the core of our collective being? I imagine this is what happens in Vatican City when the Pope sends out his annual "Tweet to the Masses.... "
But before I could even get my feet back under me, it was made quite clear by my fellow celebrators that in order for me to truly feel the depth and breadth of this great historical moment, I would need to do something that was at once terrifying and yet somehow horrifying.....I needed to start a Twitter account. Now, you have to understand that I had once balked at the idea of ever setting one cyber-toe in the world that is Facebook. Friends hounded me for years (months? How the hell long has it been around?) to join, and I always laughed. "Ha ha ha," I would say "I am too mature, busy, and important in my own mind for such an endeavor." Of course, I buckled, and was ever so overjoyed to have such instantaneous information at my fingertips - People I work with are eating dinner! Folks I went to school with all those years ago have found lonely cows on their cyber Farms! Somebody I kind of know through my husband wants me to join the Mafia (I hope this is a game of some sort....?) My world had never been so full.....Then, of course, the Tonight Show atrocity happened, and I found a whole new facet to "social networking" - my Coco page, filled with kindred spirits and not one lonely cow anywhere on the horizon!
But Twitter.....that always seemed way too trendy for my taste. Young Hollywood people with chihuahuas in their handbags were doing it. Not really my scene.... Well, that, and the fact I am technologically inept. Tweetering (?) seemed to involve knowledge across a wide range of media - internet, texting, abbreviating.....things I have a passing relationship with, but not a comfortable one. I can talk socially on the 'net but I am always afraid of hitting the wrong button and inadvertently marrying someone in prison or buying a toaster oven. And I can "text" but it takes me about ten times as long as it would to just call the damn person, and 99% of the responses I receive are in a cryptic code I can't decipher -LOL! BRB, TTFN, UR#Iy7XPickle.... No, in my world, Twitter has been a lot like skinny jeans - I am well aware they exist, and I know they are popular, but I have no business taking my ass anywhere near them.
And yet, there I was, faced with another opportunity to show my loyalty to Conan, and to show the world that I am not too old to figure out new things. 40 minutes later, and with a lot of support from my younger online friends (That's good Val, now push "send".....no, SEND. S-E-N....) I was face-to-face with my very own Twitter account. I even learned, with some coaching, how to write (Twit?) a message to Conan himself. I told him not to talk to squirrels as some have rabies. In hindsight, I wonder if technology is a good thing in my hands. I may not be ready for the awesome power that it yields.....On the bright side, I seem to have a new toaster oven coming my way soon. So, it seems everything works out in the end!
But before I could even get my feet back under me, it was made quite clear by my fellow celebrators that in order for me to truly feel the depth and breadth of this great historical moment, I would need to do something that was at once terrifying and yet somehow horrifying.....I needed to start a Twitter account. Now, you have to understand that I had once balked at the idea of ever setting one cyber-toe in the world that is Facebook. Friends hounded me for years (months? How the hell long has it been around?) to join, and I always laughed. "Ha ha ha," I would say "I am too mature, busy, and important in my own mind for such an endeavor." Of course, I buckled, and was ever so overjoyed to have such instantaneous information at my fingertips - People I work with are eating dinner! Folks I went to school with all those years ago have found lonely cows on their cyber Farms! Somebody I kind of know through my husband wants me to join the Mafia (I hope this is a game of some sort....?) My world had never been so full.....Then, of course, the Tonight Show atrocity happened, and I found a whole new facet to "social networking" - my Coco page, filled with kindred spirits and not one lonely cow anywhere on the horizon!
But Twitter.....that always seemed way too trendy for my taste. Young Hollywood people with chihuahuas in their handbags were doing it. Not really my scene.... Well, that, and the fact I am technologically inept. Tweetering (?) seemed to involve knowledge across a wide range of media - internet, texting, abbreviating.....things I have a passing relationship with, but not a comfortable one. I can talk socially on the 'net but I am always afraid of hitting the wrong button and inadvertently marrying someone in prison or buying a toaster oven. And I can "text" but it takes me about ten times as long as it would to just call the damn person, and 99% of the responses I receive are in a cryptic code I can't decipher -LOL! BRB, TTFN, UR#Iy7XPickle.... No, in my world, Twitter has been a lot like skinny jeans - I am well aware they exist, and I know they are popular, but I have no business taking my ass anywhere near them.
And yet, there I was, faced with another opportunity to show my loyalty to Conan, and to show the world that I am not too old to figure out new things. 40 minutes later, and with a lot of support from my younger online friends (That's good Val, now push "send".....no, SEND. S-E-N....) I was face-to-face with my very own Twitter account. I even learned, with some coaching, how to write (Twit?) a message to Conan himself. I told him not to talk to squirrels as some have rabies. In hindsight, I wonder if technology is a good thing in my hands. I may not be ready for the awesome power that it yields.....On the bright side, I seem to have a new toaster oven coming my way soon. So, it seems everything works out in the end!
Monday, February 22, 2010
On the road again....for the first time!
The latest excited buzz coming from Coco Land is that Conan has decided to take his show on the road with live concert dates around the country, and possibly the globe! This news makes so much sense it is almost too good to be true.... As the host of "Late Night with Conan O'Brien", Conan took his show to points all over various maps - both foreign (Finland, Canada) and domestic (Chicago, San Francisco) He also had lots of "remotes" from a multitude of events spanning every level of Pop Culture. Conan and his crew had a way of finding humor in some of the least funny places and situations... Nothing was ever off limits, too "boring" or too "main stream." If Conan went, it was hilarious. And worth watching.
So the idea of a whole tour of live shows is pretty much a dream come true for Conan fans who had once feared never again having the opportunity to see him perform, let alone having him deliver to our own back yards! (This is hyperbole, there is no confirmation that he will be doing back yards on his tour.) It is unclear exactly what venues will be included in this "dream tour" - some reports say only huge Madison-Square-Garden type places, other reports mention colleges.... All of the details are undoubtedly being hammered out as I type this....And this....and probably this.....Hopefully now they are done....
A tour! For those of us living in the glass half-full world, this is yet another sign that being forced out of the Tonight Show was the best thing that could have happened to Conan's career. I would imagine that every entertainer dreams of filling huge arenas with screaming, adoring fans. Seeing as how Conan has to start over with recurring characters and gags, traveling to new places should provide a multitude of inspirations....Some of which will undoubtedly find their way onto whatever show he ends up hosting in the future. This trek will also allow him to reach a whole new audience, those who may not be regular late-night viewers but enjoy a good live show. And Conan can showcase his other talents beside comedy- those who live under a rock in the Arctic you may not know he sings AND plays guitar.....Plus, if Conan is indeed wanting to woo affiliates for networks other than NBC, he would be right in the neighborhood of some of the largest markets out there! It's purt-near the perfect situation for someone wanting to stay atop the entertainment game, and market himself at the same time...
Of course, for this plan to succeed, Conan will have to work very hard. And it will be necessary to show some kindness along the way. All in all, this is bound to be an amazingly amazing chapter in entertainment history. And if you don't believe me, you are just being cynical....
So the idea of a whole tour of live shows is pretty much a dream come true for Conan fans who had once feared never again having the opportunity to see him perform, let alone having him deliver to our own back yards! (This is hyperbole, there is no confirmation that he will be doing back yards on his tour.) It is unclear exactly what venues will be included in this "dream tour" - some reports say only huge Madison-Square-Garden type places, other reports mention colleges.... All of the details are undoubtedly being hammered out as I type this....And this....and probably this.....Hopefully now they are done....
A tour! For those of us living in the glass half-full world, this is yet another sign that being forced out of the Tonight Show was the best thing that could have happened to Conan's career. I would imagine that every entertainer dreams of filling huge arenas with screaming, adoring fans. Seeing as how Conan has to start over with recurring characters and gags, traveling to new places should provide a multitude of inspirations....Some of which will undoubtedly find their way onto whatever show he ends up hosting in the future. This trek will also allow him to reach a whole new audience, those who may not be regular late-night viewers but enjoy a good live show. And Conan can showcase his other talents beside comedy- those who live under a rock in the Arctic you may not know he sings AND plays guitar.....Plus, if Conan is indeed wanting to woo affiliates for networks other than NBC, he would be right in the neighborhood of some of the largest markets out there! It's purt-near the perfect situation for someone wanting to stay atop the entertainment game, and market himself at the same time...
Of course, for this plan to succeed, Conan will have to work very hard. And it will be necessary to show some kindness along the way. All in all, this is bound to be an amazingly amazing chapter in entertainment history. And if you don't believe me, you are just being cynical....
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Being a nobody has its privileges
Some of my earliest childhood memories involve standing in front of the bathroom mirror, practicing for my interview with Johnny Carson. I was never really sure what I would do to garner such an amazing happenstance, all I knew was that I had better practice....just in case. By the time I was twelve, I was pretty sure that I needed to become an actress, because that seemed to be the vocation that would most certainly land me beside Johnny's desk. I wrote myself a little "contract" with an actual time line of how it would all play out. How old I would be when I got my first role, won my first Oscar, etc. I don't have the contract anymore, so I can't quote what my actual goals were...but I have to give my adolescent self props for such fearless optimism, particularly considering I didn't have any actual acting skills, nor the ability to perform in front of actual people. But in my bathroom, in front of that mirror....I was a star!!
In retrospect, I think things actually turned out for the best. No, I never did act. No, I never did get onto that iconic couch. My life took a quieter path. I have had some stunning personal accomplishments, none of which would land me on late-night TV.... And in most ways I am very glad. Because fame eluded me, I have never had to live my life in the harsh scrutiny of millions of strangers. And most importantly, I still have my soul.....more on that later....
But I still love to watch these shows, to see what my favorite stars have to say. A part of me would like to believe that it a simple arrangement of friendly celebs dropping by to chat in the same easy way I pop in to my friends' houses.....A little chit chat, a little joking around. In reality, of course, it is all business, with behind-the-scenes wranglings and anxious managers yelling into their cell phones until they feel sharp pains in their temples and/or down their right arms.... Celebrities are commodities to be advertised, and talk shows are flashy infomercials. There is very little free-will when it comes to plugging the latest project in a famous person's life. And although I understand this as a fact, I can't wrap my head around it as a compassionate, sensible human being.
You see, I have to believe that most celebs are real people somewhere deep down. Some are mostly plastic, and you have to scratch REALLY deep, but there is blood and brain in there somewhere. Most of them have to see Jay Leno for the crap weasel he really is. They have to feel that Conan was robbed, and that the whole situation stinks like last week's salmon souffle'... What "Hollywood" will tell you is that these celebs are professionals, and while they may not agree with what has transpired, they will put all personal opinions aside to do their required jobs. To this, I ask - why?? Celebrity is the only profession in the world that takes place with an immediate audience....why not make your actions count? If you think Leno sucks, SAY Leno sucks. Don't go on his show!! Will Ferrell has been the only star so far with the cajones to say that if Leno calls, he'll be "sick." I think this should spawn a major epidemic in LA LA land....one where those with souls have an immediate allergic reaction to "male cow feces", and as such have to stay away from Burbank and vicinity. Now, I am not naive enough to believe that this will put Leno out of business altogether, for I know there are several famous types who HAVE no soul....they've played the Tinsel Town game long enough that they traded it in for just a touch more longevity. You know the ones I am talking about...they rabidly chase the spotlight around years after they basked in it, wanting just one more chance, one more close up, Mr DeMille..... They actually belong next to Leno's desk, these Ghosts of Fame Past, for they have much in common with their host, and much to talk about....
In retrospect, I think things actually turned out for the best. No, I never did act. No, I never did get onto that iconic couch. My life took a quieter path. I have had some stunning personal accomplishments, none of which would land me on late-night TV.... And in most ways I am very glad. Because fame eluded me, I have never had to live my life in the harsh scrutiny of millions of strangers. And most importantly, I still have my soul.....more on that later....
But I still love to watch these shows, to see what my favorite stars have to say. A part of me would like to believe that it a simple arrangement of friendly celebs dropping by to chat in the same easy way I pop in to my friends' houses.....A little chit chat, a little joking around. In reality, of course, it is all business, with behind-the-scenes wranglings and anxious managers yelling into their cell phones until they feel sharp pains in their temples and/or down their right arms.... Celebrities are commodities to be advertised, and talk shows are flashy infomercials. There is very little free-will when it comes to plugging the latest project in a famous person's life. And although I understand this as a fact, I can't wrap my head around it as a compassionate, sensible human being.
You see, I have to believe that most celebs are real people somewhere deep down. Some are mostly plastic, and you have to scratch REALLY deep, but there is blood and brain in there somewhere. Most of them have to see Jay Leno for the crap weasel he really is. They have to feel that Conan was robbed, and that the whole situation stinks like last week's salmon souffle'... What "Hollywood" will tell you is that these celebs are professionals, and while they may not agree with what has transpired, they will put all personal opinions aside to do their required jobs. To this, I ask - why?? Celebrity is the only profession in the world that takes place with an immediate audience....why not make your actions count? If you think Leno sucks, SAY Leno sucks. Don't go on his show!! Will Ferrell has been the only star so far with the cajones to say that if Leno calls, he'll be "sick." I think this should spawn a major epidemic in LA LA land....one where those with souls have an immediate allergic reaction to "male cow feces", and as such have to stay away from Burbank and vicinity. Now, I am not naive enough to believe that this will put Leno out of business altogether, for I know there are several famous types who HAVE no soul....they've played the Tinsel Town game long enough that they traded it in for just a touch more longevity. You know the ones I am talking about...they rabidly chase the spotlight around years after they basked in it, wanting just one more chance, one more close up, Mr DeMille..... They actually belong next to Leno's desk, these Ghosts of Fame Past, for they have much in common with their host, and much to talk about....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
