If you are a returning reader of this blog (yeah right Valerie, like people come BACK) then you may remember that waaayyyyy back in March I wrote a little something about the big-chinned entity who naturally evolved as bad guy from the whole Tonight Show fiasco, and how some folk are able to maturely and rationally regard said villain. I also revealed that I am not one of those people. I lack the chromosome which allows the turning of the other cheek. I envied then, as I do now, the ability to go merrily forward without an ill thought for this individual. However, I am happy to report that in the three+ months since I first wrote those words, I have grown in many ways. While I still do carry an immense and intense burning hatred deep in the bowels of my....well, bowels....I have learned to move forward. I can go for days without ranting and raging. I can pass white-haired gentlemen without tripping them to the ground and beating them about the face and chin with their own cane. I can use the proper names for bathroom duties without substituting the scoundrel in question's name...(i.e. "I just took the biggest Leno you've ever seen, it took THREE flushes!") So I do believe that under normal circumstances, I am actually doing very well. Normal circumstances being those in which "That Guy's" name or visage do not pop up. Especially unexpectedly. And believe me....they do.
Take for instance this past Saturday. My dear Hubby and I loaded the kids into the minivan, and we took a nice country drive to visit Hub's dear Granny on the occasion of her 85th birthday. The party was held at my husband's aunt's farmhouse, which boasts rolling green hills and large, lumbering Walnut trees. The weather was perfect, the kids played happily with their cousins all day without incident, the food was divine, the family drama was nil...(Even though Granny DID try to sucker me into a conversation about how good other people look after losing a lot of weight. I simply stuffed my cupcake in my mouth and nodded....) It was, by most definitions, a perfect day. As the afternoon wound into evening, we started loading the kids into our respective vehicles and circled around for one last BS session before hitting the road. Someone brought up a TV show, then another was mentioned, and finally Hub's uncle asked if any of us were BBC America's "Top Gear" fans. We all assented that indeed we were. We started offering up our favorite episodes, etc. That was when Hub's uncle innocently announced "You know, Jay Leno says that it is his favorite show."
Here is how I saw things. My own universe stopped in that second. Everyone else around me continued to talk and laugh, in kind of a warped slow-motion-y way. The conversation continued on, away from that one horrible off-hand mention, but it had been enough to make my brain miss a gear change, and I was grinding in neutral. It was then, as I struggled, that I took note of my husband. He had frozen. He was looking at me with an expression that was a mixture of terror and dread. He did not know what I was going to do or say. I imagined he was envisioning a Hulk-like metamorphosis wherein I would start throwing cars. Suddenly, my brain popped back up to speed and I was once again smiling and laughing, moving myself far, far away from that horrendous yet unknowing mention. I was proud of myself. And I could actually hear my husband's sphincter muscles relax. (Not a pretty sound, BTW)
So I guess I can say that yes, I am doing fine living in a world where that person's name or even image may appear at random. He may be lurking in an innocuous stack of Trivial Pursuit cards, or in a magazine article, or even in a nice family conversation following a sweet birthday party in the countryside. I am becoming stronger, better prepared. Mature, even.....
But I swear to God, if anyone even happens to pause on THAT show while flipping channels, I will rip their spinal cord out through their nose and use it as a jump rope.
Just sayin'.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
A dozen dozen days.....
According to the ever vigilant Coco countdown calendar thingy found here on this wall (as well as the Teamcoco.com site) we have ticked ourselves down to 144 days until the big TBS show. Upon reading this number, my mind immediately flashed back to grade school multiplication tables - 144 is the square of 12. Twelve sets of twelve, a dozen dozen. Or, to be even more exact, a gross. But to state that our wait is gross would not sound as upbeat as I would like. I do not wish nauseate, but to inspire. We have some time to kill, people.....it's time to start brainstorming.
Lucky for us, a big chunk of the wait takes place over the summer months. There is always lots to do during long, hot summer days. Hiking, swimming, biking......my family is planning a couple of fun road trips and lots of trips to the library, the beach, the playground. We are also planning at least one yard sale to pay for some of that fun. The days will be easy to fill. But, oh - those summer ni-iiighhhts......(Sorry, I'm a bit "Grease" nerd) Usually, in the cool of a summer evening, with the kids fast asleep, my hubs and I would settle in with an icy beverage and.....watch Conan on TV. Which was always possible, because heck - he was always on late night TV. Except now he's not. Which sucks.
Our options for our summer evenings now consist of:
1) Other late night programming: This is a big "maybe." If Letterman has a good guest we might tune in, and possibly will hold on through Craig (or at least his monologue) Don't even think to ask about "other" late night shows, especially that one. You know the one. I'd rather shoot myself in my own foot, clean and cook said foot, and eat it with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
2) DVDs and/or movies. Another maybe. We do have all the episodes of MASH on DVD (awesome!) and we can always throw in some Python or a good classic 80s comedy for guaranteed laughs. I can almost bet that not one of these choices has a self-pleasuring panda or an S&M Lincoln.....*sigh*
3) Sex. Yeah, sure, there's always that. Not too many laughs, usually, so maybe during a somber time. This is the option where S&M Lincoln might actually make an appearance.....kinky, I know, but boredom breeds freakishness. That explains the existence of most of the cast of Jersey Shore.
4) Sleep. My favorite of the options. I do enjoy a good night's sleep. An added plus is when the sleep contains Conan related dreams. Then, it is actually kinda sorta like I got to watch him on TV....unless it is a weird dream where he is driving a giant robot Andy through the streets of Paris, knocking down the Eiffel Tower and beating tourists with bagettes. Which actually sounds like it could make a pretty entertaining remote.....(Note to self, Tweet idea to Bley)
There are other various ways to kill the time: Reading, eating, playing on the internet.... Somehow that chunk of time that precedes bedtime gets filled. I've even been known to do a late-night load or two of laundry....hold me back, Nadine!! The thing is, though, that no matter what we end up doing to fill the void, that damned red elephant is always in the room. We aren't watching Conan, but we would be if... If. That one little world holds a whole world of meaning. If only things were different, if the bad stuff hadn't gone down. But it did, and things are what they are. There is no Conan O'Brien on late night TV, and there won't be until November. To employ once again the great and learned words of inventor Sir James Dyson - "It sucks."
So this becomes the perfect time to once again thank the great Skinny Freckled gods that there exists an "I'm With Coco" fan site. Not only do we entertain each other, we are all on the same path to TBS in a dozen dozen days. There are now, as of yesterday (or the day before if you are a stickler for time zones) officially ONE MILLION of us. The Coco Army grows stronger. If only we had some place to hang our pith helmets. 144 days is a long time to march in circles.
Lucky for us, a big chunk of the wait takes place over the summer months. There is always lots to do during long, hot summer days. Hiking, swimming, biking......my family is planning a couple of fun road trips and lots of trips to the library, the beach, the playground. We are also planning at least one yard sale to pay for some of that fun. The days will be easy to fill. But, oh - those summer ni-iiighhhts......(Sorry, I'm a bit "Grease" nerd) Usually, in the cool of a summer evening, with the kids fast asleep, my hubs and I would settle in with an icy beverage and.....watch Conan on TV. Which was always possible, because heck - he was always on late night TV. Except now he's not. Which sucks.
Our options for our summer evenings now consist of:
1) Other late night programming: This is a big "maybe." If Letterman has a good guest we might tune in, and possibly will hold on through Craig (or at least his monologue) Don't even think to ask about "other" late night shows, especially that one. You know the one. I'd rather shoot myself in my own foot, clean and cook said foot, and eat it with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
2) DVDs and/or movies. Another maybe. We do have all the episodes of MASH on DVD (awesome!) and we can always throw in some Python or a good classic 80s comedy for guaranteed laughs. I can almost bet that not one of these choices has a self-pleasuring panda or an S&M Lincoln.....*sigh*
3) Sex. Yeah, sure, there's always that. Not too many laughs, usually, so maybe during a somber time. This is the option where S&M Lincoln might actually make an appearance.....kinky, I know, but boredom breeds freakishness. That explains the existence of most of the cast of Jersey Shore.
4) Sleep. My favorite of the options. I do enjoy a good night's sleep. An added plus is when the sleep contains Conan related dreams. Then, it is actually kinda sorta like I got to watch him on TV....unless it is a weird dream where he is driving a giant robot Andy through the streets of Paris, knocking down the Eiffel Tower and beating tourists with bagettes. Which actually sounds like it could make a pretty entertaining remote.....(Note to self, Tweet idea to Bley)
There are other various ways to kill the time: Reading, eating, playing on the internet.... Somehow that chunk of time that precedes bedtime gets filled. I've even been known to do a late-night load or two of laundry....hold me back, Nadine!! The thing is, though, that no matter what we end up doing to fill the void, that damned red elephant is always in the room. We aren't watching Conan, but we would be if... If. That one little world holds a whole world of meaning. If only things were different, if the bad stuff hadn't gone down. But it did, and things are what they are. There is no Conan O'Brien on late night TV, and there won't be until November. To employ once again the great and learned words of inventor Sir James Dyson - "It sucks."
So this becomes the perfect time to once again thank the great Skinny Freckled gods that there exists an "I'm With Coco" fan site. Not only do we entertain each other, we are all on the same path to TBS in a dozen dozen days. There are now, as of yesterday (or the day before if you are a stickler for time zones) officially ONE MILLION of us. The Coco Army grows stronger. If only we had some place to hang our pith helmets. 144 days is a long time to march in circles.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
