If you are a returning reader of this blog (yeah right Valerie, like people come BACK) then you may remember that waaayyyyy back in March I wrote a little something about the big-chinned entity who naturally evolved as bad guy from the whole Tonight Show fiasco, and how some folk are able to maturely and rationally regard said villain. I also revealed that I am not one of those people. I lack the chromosome which allows the turning of the other cheek. I envied then, as I do now, the ability to go merrily forward without an ill thought for this individual. However, I am happy to report that in the three+ months since I first wrote those words, I have grown in many ways. While I still do carry an immense and intense burning hatred deep in the bowels of my....well, bowels....I have learned to move forward. I can go for days without ranting and raging. I can pass white-haired gentlemen without tripping them to the ground and beating them about the face and chin with their own cane. I can use the proper names for bathroom duties without substituting the scoundrel in question's name...(i.e. "I just took the biggest Leno you've ever seen, it took THREE flushes!") So I do believe that under normal circumstances, I am actually doing very well. Normal circumstances being those in which "That Guy's" name or visage do not pop up. Especially unexpectedly. And believe me....they do.
Take for instance this past Saturday. My dear Hubby and I loaded the kids into the minivan, and we took a nice country drive to visit Hub's dear Granny on the occasion of her 85th birthday. The party was held at my husband's aunt's farmhouse, which boasts rolling green hills and large, lumbering Walnut trees. The weather was perfect, the kids played happily with their cousins all day without incident, the food was divine, the family drama was nil...(Even though Granny DID try to sucker me into a conversation about how good other people look after losing a lot of weight. I simply stuffed my cupcake in my mouth and nodded....) It was, by most definitions, a perfect day. As the afternoon wound into evening, we started loading the kids into our respective vehicles and circled around for one last BS session before hitting the road. Someone brought up a TV show, then another was mentioned, and finally Hub's uncle asked if any of us were BBC America's "Top Gear" fans. We all assented that indeed we were. We started offering up our favorite episodes, etc. That was when Hub's uncle innocently announced "You know, Jay Leno says that it is his favorite show."
Here is how I saw things. My own universe stopped in that second. Everyone else around me continued to talk and laugh, in kind of a warped slow-motion-y way. The conversation continued on, away from that one horrible off-hand mention, but it had been enough to make my brain miss a gear change, and I was grinding in neutral. It was then, as I struggled, that I took note of my husband. He had frozen. He was looking at me with an expression that was a mixture of terror and dread. He did not know what I was going to do or say. I imagined he was envisioning a Hulk-like metamorphosis wherein I would start throwing cars. Suddenly, my brain popped back up to speed and I was once again smiling and laughing, moving myself far, far away from that horrendous yet unknowing mention. I was proud of myself. And I could actually hear my husband's sphincter muscles relax. (Not a pretty sound, BTW)
So I guess I can say that yes, I am doing fine living in a world where that person's name or even image may appear at random. He may be lurking in an innocuous stack of Trivial Pursuit cards, or in a magazine article, or even in a nice family conversation following a sweet birthday party in the countryside. I am becoming stronger, better prepared. Mature, even.....
But I swear to God, if anyone even happens to pause on THAT show while flipping channels, I will rip their spinal cord out through their nose and use it as a jump rope.
Just sayin'.
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Jeeze Val, thats not a very scary moment to be around you at all!{insert sarcasm here}. I probably would have done the same thing as your hubby had done. Anyway the blog is funny and insightful as always and thank you.
ReplyDelete'That was when Hub's Uncle innocently announced "You know, Jay Leno says that it is his favorite show."
Here is how I saw things. My own universe stopped at that second. Everyone else around me continued to talk and laugh, in kind of a warped slow-motion-y way.'
~ I probably would've gone on a rant about how douchey that person, who will remain nameless as to not anger the beast the lurks within how you said,"...well bowels" because I'd still like to use my spinal cord, is and how crappy they run the nameless late night tv show. I will go away now coz I had chill run down my said spine.