Dear David Letterman....
I blame you.
More specifically, I had some very substantial hopes pinned on your sarcastic shoulders, and you have not as yet delivered. As a consequence, I feel you are somewhat responsible for the terrible atrocities befalling television audiences across this great nation of ours.......
But I am getting ahead of myself. Please, allow me to explain.
I know that you are well aware of the whole NBC Tonight Show debacle. While you more than once claimed "I don't have a dog in this race" you did take some time to express an opinion or two on the matter.....and in those moments I never loved you more. Seriously, you knocked it right out of the ballpark. It seemed that we, the fans of Conan O'Brien, had an ally of sorts....Someone who knew the situation, knew what an ass Leno can be, and had the gumption to put it all out there. Our hearts swelled. (In a good way, not a "needing medical attention" way...)
And then......Super Bowl Sunday. The strangest television commercial ever to be aired in the history of televised media spilled itself across millions of screens.....There was you (not so bad) sitting next to Oprah (who had recently fallen out of favor with many for hosting a self-serving Leno whine-fest on her show) who in turn was sitting next to.....No!! Seriously? How could...SERIOUSLY? My head spun around this issue so rapidly that I ended up with whiplash of the soul..... I still don't really understand it, although I resolved to put it behind me. I decided, after trying out a plethora of new "cuss words" that the kids kick around these days, to forgive. After all, it was only one little commercial. AND -- the true nature of the beast would be unleashed when Leno returned opposite you, and you could turn your fire hose of ire and wit and anger on full blast in his face..... That would be worth watching.
Only......
It never happened. Sure, there have a been a few jabs tossed into your monologue - passing references, really. Nothing hard ball. And then......crickets. Not a peep. Even worse than that, and I hope you don't take this as too much of an insult, but you haven't exactly "stepped things up" over there at the Ed Sullivan Theater. We who do NOT enjoy Leno in any capacity were looking forward to seeing him return and fail. We were expecting you would bring your "A" game, bring out the big stars, do some big stunts, make the late night viewing audiences say "Leno who??".... And that did not happen. At ALL. Instead, he was allowed to waltz right back into the first place ratings spot. As the great and notable author Ernest Hemingway would have so eloquently stated...."What the hell???"
So is it fair to blame you? Probably not. You are just doing your job after all. Maybe the issue doesn't really mean anything to you. Maybe all the supposed hostilities betwixt yourself and Mr. Leno are just a fabrication for the press. Or, to give you more of a benefit of the doubt, maybe you have a more long-term card up your sleeve which, when played, will make the whole of the viewing audience gasp "OHHHHHHH!" In unison. THAT would be cool.
To conclude, Mr Letterman....In the words of my own beloved mother, I am not angry with you, but I am disappointed. If the guilt of that statement does not make you get off your Top-Ten reading behind and open up a can or two of New York-style whoop ass.....Well then, you are not the bitter old man I hoped (and prayed) you were. And yes, I know this is not "your fight"....but when it comes down to the age-old axiom of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil....isn't it really everyone's fight?
Sincerely,
Valerie Zwald
Coconut
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Val--have to say while so many people were laughing over that Super Bowl ad, I was left slightly annoyed thinking...did Dave just give a boost to the man who kicked his ass in the ratings for 15 years? Why would Dave do that? I was never one to stay up that late all those years ago, but on the occasion I did, I always preferred Dave to Leno. He was just better---a clear and simple choice. I NEVER understood how Leno beat him in the ratings until I realized that a great portion of the American population loves pablum. And they buy into that 'good guy' crap Leno is always selling. Hell, I bought into it too until Conangate! But no more....
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I too wish Dave would "step things up", but maybe he's content with how things are because he's been there so long it's not like his job is threatened or anything.
Well said fellow Coconut. I have a different take on the matter though, Dave has not stepped up his game because he has nothing to step up; he has no A game to bring out. I don't mean to insult him or his audience, just because i don't like him doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve to be liked. He had 15 years to come up with new ways to at least catch up with Leno let alone beat him, but he did not. Conan takes over TTS and suddenly Dave becomes great again; no he did not change but Conan was just new to the 11:35 crowd and he could have eventually beaten him had he been given the time. Letterman did not let me down because I never counted on him in the first place,he threw jabs at NBC/Leno during the crisis just like everybody else; his were really good because he's been there before.
ReplyDeleteGreat read, keep up the good work, Hemingway's got nothing on you :)
This is a great open letter! I was shocked by the ad as well, as much that he was sitting beside Oprah as that he was in the same frame as Leno.
ReplyDeleteI felt about Letterman back in the day the way most of the IWC Page/Group feels about Conan. Leno was a stand-up comedian, not a late night player back when Dave debuted Late Night in 1982. I had friends that when Leno started guest hosting The Tonight Show (1987) started slamming Letterman in favor of Leno. Granted, Leno was exponentially funnier then than he is now, but Letterman was The Shit. And I knew then, much like I did when I met my future wife that if I hitched my wagon to Leno, he would let me down in the end.
The fact that Johnny Carson handpicked Letterman as his replacement only to have that snatched away from his should have been enough for Dave to NEVER associate with Leno in any way, and to have stipulations to that end in ANY AND EVERY contract he ever signs. But he didn't cut ties with Leno. And this is what I think the reason is.
Staying #1 is a lot harder than being #2. Nobody looks at #2 as harshly, and #1 is in constant worry about that. Not to mention the pressure #1 is under from Execs, even if they are dork weasels such as at NBC.
Mark Harmon of NCIS told this to Letterman when asked when he will be the #1 show on CBS - "I'm really happy at #3."
But I love the letter!
Beseau