Abe and Conan - Two men, one soul?

When I was a kid, certain historians seemed to want to make a big deal of the similarities between U.S. Presidents Lincoln and Kennedy. Sure, some of the facts that they listed seemed to be eerily similar or somehow related, but a lot of it seemed to be a stretch. I thought that if there really existed some sort of historical "repeat," it would exist between men that have much more in common than just a job. On a lark, I decided to do some digging and see if there were any parallels between our own Conan O'Brien, and his favorite President, Abraham Lincoln. I was astounded to find just how similar the two men are. But don't just take my word for it.....
I am about to present a list of historical facts which took me literally minutes to compile, almost all of which are close to accurate, and I think might be spelled correctly. Without any further ado -(*drumroll*) Prepare for your mind to be blown:

-Both men grew to a towering height of 6' 4"

-Lincoln married Mary, Conan married Liza - both female, both with names that are 4 letters long

-Abraham Lincoln contains 14 letters, Conan O'Brien has 11...both of which are a lot more than Jay Leno's paltry 7.

-Abraham's father's name was Thomas, while his mother was Nancy Hanks. "Tom Hanks" is a huge Conan supporter, widely credited for making the "Coco" name stick. Thank you, Tom!

-Abraham's step mother was Sarah. That is also the name of the woman Conan chose to follow on Twitter. No historical info as to whom Lincoln followed on Twitter.

-Conan is famous for sporting a "strike beard" and later an "unemployment beard" while Lincoln was often seen with a "slavery beard" followed by a "Civil War beard."

-One of Conan's favorite walk-on guests? Abe Vigoda. Honest!

-Lincoln moved his early law practice to Springfield, Ill. Conan wrote for "The Simpsons," a cartoon family who lives in Springfield, (Somewhere in the US, maybe Ill.)

-Conan's Second Banana= Andy Richter. Lincoln's Second Banana= Andy Johnson.

-Lincoln lived in Washington D.C., which is one of the stops on Conan's upcoming tour.

-Lincoln was shot in the head by a man with the first initial of "J." Conan was stabbed in the back by a man called "Jay."

-Lincoln taught himself to read. Conan taught himself to Tweet.

-Lincoln stumped for peace, Conan for peas.

-And finally, Lincoln was shot in Ford's theater, and Conan drives a Ford Taurus.... sometimes to a theater.

Goosebumps, right??

Oh, and to all you overly-educated historical "experts" who thought the Lincoln/Kennedy thing was amazing....SUCK IT!! I am barely educated - hell, I'm barely literate - and I just rewrote the book on amazing coincidences. That's right. Makes you want to rethink your existence, doesn't it?