If we Canonize Conan, are we Conanizing him?

'Tis Saint Patrick's Day, and a happy one to you and yours!! What an interesting holiday, this recognition of the Patron Saint of Ireland.....whom I also always thought was the patron saint of green beer, Shamrock Shakes, and Lucky Charms. But no, with all the commercial images and cheesy Hallmark-card sentiment aside ("You are the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow!") this was a real guy with real miracles to his credit. Being the inquisitive student of history that I am, I decided that if I was going to blog about the day and the man, I'd better do some in-depth research. Being the lazy person that I also am, I went to the Wikipedia page. As we all know, there is no better or more reliable source for information on the web today than Wikipedia. That is how I found out about Leno's third nipple!
Anywho, there was a bunch of background information about Saint Patrick, including a lot of dates and places and stuff that reminded me too much of college exams.... None of it was really relevant to my quest, to find out WHO this man really was and why he is directly responsible for so many March 18th hangovers. Sadly, there wasn't a lot of information that tied him into the party scene, which I must say diminished my estimation of Wikipedia just a tad. BUT - they did talk about the "big miracle" he was credited with, one that I think we all heard about as children. St. Patrick was supposed to have driven the snakes out of Ireland. This does indeed sound like a great feat, especially if you don't like snakes....But as I read on, it was explained that Ireland is located on an island formed by a glacier, and probably never had snakes in the first place. Um, WHAT?? Yet another of my childhood images blown to dust by "historical accuracy." First they tell me George Washington never did chop down that cherry tree, then they say man didn't really walk on the moon, and now this? I mean, the moon thing I can get behind - they would have gotten stuck in all the green cheese - but come on! If Saint Patrick DIDN'T get rid of Sir Hiss and Co., what exactly did he do to warrant his own drinking holiday?
As I read on, it was theorized that the "serpents" he banned from the island weren't literal snakes, but evil-doing dudes. This made sense. Apparently, there were some guys whose beliefs didn't jibe with the church and they thought they'd cause some trouble in the McLand. Only, St. Patrick of Awesome said "NO! Not in MY emerald island nation, you don't!" And he kicked their heathen asses to the curb....
And then, epiphany!! Of course!! It all makes sense now. That unwavering Irish nobility, that sense of the what is Right and Just. St. Paddy-whack had it, and so does our modern-day Irish hero, St. Conan. I mean sure, St. Patrick was actually of English birth and had been kidnapped as a youth and dragged to Ireland against his will, but STILL! The connection is there, the parallels are uncanny. And here is something equally eerie...the more green beer you drink, the more all of this makes perfect sense. So drink up, me Lads and Lasses, and rejoice in the fact that Coco will go down in history as the man who drove the peacocks out of Burbank. And that is reason enough for another beer....